This morning, at 4 am, while I was wide awake because my 6 month old daughter was wide awake, I was scrolling through my FB memories and realized that one year ago today, we announced our pregnancy with 'the world'. By that, I mean we shared our creative little picture with all of our social media friends. It has been a CRAZY year, and I cannot believe how fast those 12 months flew by.
I remember being SO nervous to post this picture. Nervous not because I was worried that something was going to happen in my pregnancy, and then I would have to share that with that world; nervous because I was worried about all the friends I had made during our journey to get pregnant. I didn't want to hurt their feelings by posting a pregnancy announcement. I know how much seeing those hurt. I know the super complicated emotions they would feel when they saw yet another post sharing the news they longed so badly to share. I didn't want to put more pain in another persons life.
I also had to tell myself that I deserved this, that I worked hard for this moment, that I struggled like they did. We went through months and months of tests, failed cycles, procedures, appointments and flat out impossible struggle. I wanted to give others hope. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Here's some hope for you. Last week, Matt and I went back to the place where we took our announcement picture, Detroit Lions Training Camp. This time, we had the twins (and a stroller, diaper bag, and like 46 bottles..just in case) in tow. We went back to take the same picture, with the same mascot that was at our wedding, and in our announcement picture. It was a surreal and emotional day for both of us.
I will continue to share pictures like this, because I want to remind those that are still struggling that you will get through this. You will find the light at the end of the tunnel, and you know what, it might not be the ending you always imagined either. You might end up adopting, you might need a surrogate, or donor embryos/sperm, you might have multiples...but you won't know if you don't keep trying.
“Try every avenue. Try anything you can do, because you’ll get there. You’ll end up with a family, and it’s so worth it. It’s the most worth it thing." - Jimmy Fallon
Now, here I am, as the twins sleep in their room, I smell like some sort of green bean, or carrot like spit up. I'm happy to share this story, because I've talked to so many who have thanked me for being so open about our struggles and they tell me that it has actually helped them get through their ups and downs. If my story has helped just ONE person, then I know that opening up about everything was the right decision. If you aren't public with your infertility struggles, just know that you can always reach out to me privately and chat, I'm here for you. No matter what.